Holidays

Well, the holidays are coming up.  I always seem to start some kind of diet just before the holidays and then it all goes to pot.  I plan on eating what I want just not as much of it this year.  I will have a house full of company.  Mom, grandma, brother, niece and her husband, my husband, and 3 children.  All will be staying here with us.  I am excited about them coming!  Haven't got to spend much time with my brother in a long while.  We are planning on lots of fun. 

My brother started Medifast back in January.  He has lost about 60 pounds.  He looks great!  I am so proud of him.  My mother-in-law started some new diabetic shot and has lost a lot of weight.  She looks great!  They have been a lot of the inspiration on my decision to finally take the plunge and lose the weight.  Of course, my husband and children have been the most. 

I saw an ad on TV yesterday about HCG.  I'm going on Wednesday to check it out.  I will let you know what I find out.  I know how things get all hyped up and turn out to be let downs.  Trying not to get my hopes up.  I'm sure it will be expensive because you have to be under the care of a physician.  We will see how it turns out. 

Till then...

Date Night

My husband and I had a date earlier today.  He has been working alot lately and he also helps out with the local football team.  Needless to say he hasn't been home much.  We had opportunity to spend the afternoon together to so we took it.  What did we do?  Eat.  Olive Garden and Coldstone Creamery.  It was very good. 

Have I ever mentioned that I LOVE food.  I love textures, tastes, smells, etc.  I love everything about it.  I love to cook it.  I love for someone else to cook it for me.  I love to cook for others.  I'm good at it.  I can take any recipe and make it better.  I call it my talent.  I LOVE food. 

If there is anyone out there that has any idea how to break this love affair I would "love" to hear your ideas. 

These last couple of weeks have been horrible.  I know that I have failed.  Food has won the short term battles lately.  I have all but given up.  Then I remember why I decided to try to lose the weight to begin with.  I look bad, I feel bad, I have a hard time doing anything.  I am unhealthy.  I would hate to know what my cholesterol is.  I'm sure that I am borderline diabetic.  I probably have high blood pressure.  I know these things yet I still LOVE food. 

HELP!!

Ok....so I'm following a couple of blogs now.  They keep leaving one very important thing out.....how to finance all this healthy food!!!  I wish someone would please show me how to eat healthy on a budget!

Very frustrating!

I QUIT!!

I haven't posted in a few days.  I haven't been very good.  I don't think I will post my menu b/c it contains stuff like Sonic, Chick-fil-a, Schlotzsky's, etc.  You know...no one had to tell me, or even teach me to eat bad.  Why do bad foods taste soooo good?  My conspiracy theory is coming to mind.  If you don't know what that is...read the first post I made. 

I'm not even sure what I want to say today.  I am having such a hard time finding time to exercise.  My life is very hectic right now.  I have one child fixin to graduate.  She is keeping me very busy (not to mention my pocket book empty, too!)  My middle child keeps me running from one town to another to watch football.  My youngest is fixin to start basketball which will keep me busy running too.  After basketball comes then baseball starts.  When baseball ends then summer kicks into full swing with VBS, summer camp, and so on.  I spent good money on a membership and all of the sudden I can't find time to go and use it.  Not sure how to work all this out.

As I mentioned before....I love food.  The bad stuff.  The stuff that makes you fat.  Have I mentioned before that it is cheaper than the good stuff?  If anyone has any ideas on how to feed a family of five healthy foods (all of which are basically adults) I am open for suggestions. 

Trying again tomorrow. 

Blah!!

Yesterday was a bad day.  My youngest and my husband was sick.  My son had a dr. appointment and my oldest took him.  Got a call from the dr. office saying she was too young to bring him.  So, I had to throw on some clothes and get to the dr. office as fast as I could so they wouldn't change his appt.  The dr. spent all of 5 minutes with him just to say he was fine. 

I wanted to throw in the towel.  Didn't have time to go to the gym and I was way too tired to go anyway.  Spent the night before up with the youngest.  I ate more than I should.  Ugh!! 

Breakfast: I don't remember  Lunch: chick-fil-a  Supper: spaghetti  snacks through the day: cashews and sugar free pudding. 

I don't know why it is so hard to keep up with anything.  I love bad food.  I don't care for good food.  This has to be the problem.  I am trying to love good food and hate bad food.  Not working too well at the moment.  I keep up with a blog called Lynn's Weigh.  She was talking about strange food cravings on her facebook page.  All the people talked about good cravings for fruit or veggies.  All I could honestly say that I was craving yesterday was a king size Reeses!  I wanted to stop at the convenience store and pick one up.  Oh, and a Route 44 sweet peach tea!  Not very good choices. 

Today has been some better.  Still want a Reeses and a tea.  So far haven't done too bad. 

Breakfast:  2 eggs, 2 slices of whole wheat toast.  Lunch: 1 porkchop with broccoli and rice au graten.  Supper: Baked potato with pumpernickle bread. 

Tried green tea sweetened with honey this morning.  YUCK!!  Don't know what I am going to find to drink.  I gave up cokes a long time ago but replaced them with sweet tea.  Not as much sugar but still sugar.  I guess I will keep looking.  I like water and I drink it a lot.  But there are some times I need something with a little flavor. 

Going to the gym in a little while.  Waiting for the kids to finish their school.  I hope to have a good workout today.  Maybe I will feel better!

Finally went to the gym.  There were only skinny people in there.  Made me feel uncomfortable.  But...how am I gonna get skinny if I don't go?  I guess I will just have to feel uncomfortable b/c I am trying to lose an extra person! 

Sundays

Well...Sundays are part of the weekend so they are going to be bad, too.  I usually hit the floor running on Sundays.  I don't get out of bed until my devotions are done.  Then it's one thing after another.  Someone forgot to iron the night before or someones hair isn't doing just right.  Sometimes I have to put the finishing touches on my Sunday School lesson.  Then I have to make sure that lunch is in the oven or crock pot.  I hate not having a good lunch on Sundays.  After all that there isn't much time for breakfast. 

Today I had trail mix for breakfast.  (That's better than a piece of cake or a candy bar which I have been know to eat on Sundays!)  Hamburger for lunch with veggie chips.  Supper: tomato soup with oyster crackers. 

I don't like to eat so late but when we don't get home from church til 10 I don't have much of a choice.  I used to eat a plate of nachos after church on Sunday night so I think soup was a much better choice.  I am trying to learn how to eat better and make better food choices.  My body thanks me when I do!

Ready to exercise tomorrow.  I have felt weird about not exercising this weekend.  Walked a lot at the corn maze I guess that counts for something.  However, Sundays is nap day.  I can't make it on Sunday without my nap!!  Had a good one today! 

Weekend

The weekend came.  My boys went to the football game that was 3 hours away.  My girls and I decided to go out and eat.  We really have to find another past time.  We went to a new restaurant.  It was ok not worth the money we spent, though.  I ate half of my meal which was still too much.  Oh well!  Just another day.  Will do better.

Took the fam to a corn maze today.  Rained while we were there.  Would have been lots more fun if it wasn't raining.  Still had a great day with the family!  First time we have spent the whole day together in a long time.  Everyone is so busy and growing up.  It was a nice day.

Weekends are gonna be tough.  Our family is so busy.  Since Kevin pastors Saturday's are our busiest days.  We spend the day visiting people then getting ready for services on Sunday.  Hard to fit in healthy eating.  But I am determined to do so.  Especially after the way I feel right now. 

Had my staple for breakfast: 2 scrambled eggs 2 slices of whole wheat toast with a smear of sugar free grape jelly.  Lunch I wasn't so good:  Pizza Hut pizza.  Enough said!  Supper: 3 chicken tenderloins.  I feel yucky, bloated, and heavy.  I know that my body is trying like crazy to tell me that fried, processed, and simple carbs are not good for me!!!  Why can't I understand that?

Working Out

Today is the third day of my journey.  I have made it through another day of workouts.  My family and I joined the local Boys and Girls club.  The fee isn't much for a one year membership and they have ample equipment to use. 

I spend about 10 min on the stationary bike.  Then I move to strength training.  I use every machine they have.  I do 3 reps of 10.  I like to move through the machines 3 times.  This give my muscles a short break before I do the next set.  Once I finish with the strength training I go to the dreaded elliptical.  This is the hardest exercise I do.  Right now I can only do 5 mins.  When I worked out before I was up to 20 min.  I will have to work up to that again. 

I am so proud of my daughters.  They are working out with me.  I haven't been a very good example for them and I haven't taught them the right way to eat.  So, they, like me, are a little overweight as well.  We are doing this together!  We have decided to work as hard as we can to get the weight off!  They are an inspiration to me!  Love you, girls!!

I haven't had too much to eat today.  Breakfast:  2 scrambled eggs, 2 slices of whole wheat toast with a smear of sugar free grape jelly with water to drink.
Lunch:  Popcorn chicken from Sonic with about 8 tator tots (they were way too greasy) and a medium sweet peach tea.  (this is good for me!  I usually have all the tator tots and a rt. 44 drink)
Supper: Chicken Gumbo with rice.  Probably drink water with that meal since I had the tea for lunch!

Last night I wanted to raid the "Birthday" drawer at church.  (this is where we keep candy bars for peoples birthday)  I didn't!  I ate some lite cool whip instead.  I know that my journey will have good days and bad days.  So far it hasn't been too bad! 

My Journey Begins

Well...here I am.  Wasn't really sure that I wanted to take this journey publicly, but why not?  There are millions of people out there like me who just need a big shove so we will take that first step. 

My journey began when I was about 18.  I started to gain weight but didn't think that much about it.  I was young, engaged to be married, and not thinking of what I was doing to myself.  By the time my wedding came around I had put on about 25 pounds.  My dress was snug but I didn't care this was my day!! 

Three months after the wedding the Lord surprised us with our first pregnancy.  Over the next nine months I gained a whopping 70 pounds!  After Ashley was born I didn't take the time to even try to lose the weight.  I was still awful young and caring for this beautiful little girl!  I had no idea what I was doing taking care of an infant much less taking care of myself.  I really let myself go. 

When Ashley was born my husband and I decided that I would stay home and care for our children.  So with that came the days with nothing to do.  I sat around watching TV eating.  I would cook meals for an army and then eat the left overs the next day.  This went on for several years.  Evidently I was active enough not to gain much weight during this time.  I didn't keep up with what I weighed.  Didn't matter much at that time. 

Three years later Timmy was born.  Now I was caring for two little ones and still really didn't know what I was doing.  I only gained 11 pounds with Tim.  I was so proud of myself for that.  But then the days grew long again and the eating continued. 

I would gain in spurts.  10 pounds here 20 pounds there.  Then nothing for a long time.

Another three years passed and Abigail came.  My family was complete.  It was time for me to call it quits in the baby area.  I gained about 30 pounds while I was pregnant with Abi.  More than with Tim but still far less than with Ash.  After Abigail came our lives began to get very hectic.

Kevin, my husband, was saved and surrendered to preach all in 1994.  Our lives changed drastically.  We became very involved in our church.  Kevin was hardly home during the next few years.  He worked a full time job which required over time now and again.  He was now on staff at our church which took up more of his time.  The kids and I were there with him most of the time but they were little and couldn't be a part of everything he was doing at the time.  So we sat at home alot and I ate. 

Then we moved away from home.  Kevin took his first church in the Dallas area.  We packed up our belongings and moved away from everything we had ever known.  At first I thought this was the most tragic thing that ever happend to our family.  Boy was I wrong.  As far as our family goes it was the absolute best thing we ever did! 

Now I had a new "job."  Pastor's wife.  Boy, I had no idea what kind of responsibilities that I would have.  I automatically became in charge of the nursery, fellowships, cleaning the building, and so on.  I also became the church secretary.  All of these duties on top of being a wife, mom, and home school mom.  The stress level went up.  Thus did the eating as well. 

The weight gain again was sporatic.  A few pounds here and there.  Long whiles of no weight gain.

Our tenure in Dallas grew to an end and our new venture took us further away from our childhood home.  We packed up again and moved to Arkansas.  All of my duties stayed the same: wife, mom, homeschooling, nursery, fellowships, cleaning the building, secretary, etc.  By this time my children are entering their double digits and helping ALOT with these duties.  We do everything together.  Greatest lesson we learned when we moved away from home. 

I am now becoming aware of my weight problem.  I am now trying to get rid of it and with no avail. 

We joined a gym and went religiously for almost a year.  No loss.  My fam said that I looked better but it just wasn't showing up on the scale.  I was very discouraged and quit going to the gym.  By this time we are getting ready for our third move and third church.  Again we packed up and moved even further away.  This time to the Northwest corner of Arkansas. 

As we settle in here in NWA  we rent a home in the next town over from our church.  We lived there for about nine months.  The rent was a little pricey but we thought we could handle it.  As time went on so did the pocket book.  That rent check was eating away at everything.  So we prayed about what the Lord would have for us to do.  Our congregation had plans to build a parsonage in the future.  We began to pray about the future being now.  The Lord answered our prayers.  We moved out of the rent house into the church building and began to build the parsonage. 

I never knew what it meant to live in a church building.  Odd to say the least.  Our people were great about everything.  Our stuff was scattered into every room it seemed.  We lived in the loft, all 5 of us, for eight months while we built the house.  This was one of the most stressful times in my life.  We built it ourselves and had a VERY small budget.  I spent every day in Fayetteville and Springdale hunting down bargains so our home would be beautiful.  All of that took a toll on my diet.  As if I wasn't already overweight, I gained even more during this time. 

As I spent day after day on the road looking and buying trying to watch the budget I ate tons of fast food.  By the time the house was finished, a record 4 months, I had gained another 30 pounds.  My body, at this point, had been telling me that enough was enough.  My feet were screaming at me to get off of them.  My knees hurt and now my hips hurt.  I can't even climb the stairs to check on my kids without huffing and puffing. 

I am miserable. 

My clothes are tighter than ever but I refuse to buy a bigger size.  I hide as much as I can.  I have to do something.  In the 10 months we have been in our home I have tried several diets.  None of which I can keep up with.  Either it is too far out there or I can't afford to buy all the special things it calls for.  I have searched internet sites, looked at books, and read entire books on weight loss (BORING).  Every thing I have looked at has one thing in common: it MUST be a lifestyle change! 

I realize that I can't continue to eat king size Reeses and loose weight.  Nor do I think that I can have a Route 44 Sweet Peach Tea everyday and expect to lose an ounce.  I have to change.  My biggest concern is $$$$$$.  I don't know if anyone has noticed but money DOESN'T grow on trees.  Remember, my husband is a pastor.  We aren't raking in the dough.  All of those diet plans and not one told me how to feed my family of 5 (three of which are teenagers!) healthy AND on a budget.  I can't go spend $500 a week on groceries.  I try to feed us on $75 to $100 and that is tough!  Processed foods are much cheaper than those that aren't.  Ground beef is much cheaper than "lean beef".  I mean, come on, lets face it, it's cheaper to be fat! 

I am in a perdicament.  I want and need to loose weight but I can't afford to buy healthy food.  When I do buy salad fixins and healthy snacks I spend twice as much as I would regularly.  I think it is a conspiracy!  "If we keep the people fat then they will have to go to the doctor and spend more money on pills!"  I'm sure this conversation has gone on somewhere in the medical field. 

Anyway, I have again joined a gym.  I have gone two days in a row!  I am sore but I have to say that I feel better.  I also have eaten better for the last two days.  This evening I wanted that king size Reeses.  I ate some lite cool whip instead. 

I hope that in the days ahead I will make some progress.  I'm really doing this for me.  If what I say can help someone else then that would be great, too.  If you are a Christian, please pray for me.  I know that the battle is on.  I will need supernatural strength to make it through this journey.  That strength will only come from the Lord Himself.  More later.....